Just the other day I was checking out the profile page of a guy I knew in high school.  I didn’t know him very well, as he was kinda shy.  He was a small kid with messy hair (think Einstein or Beethoven) who was really good at mathematics.  I mean scary good.  My brother, Ben, is pretty much a human computer with mathematics and this guy kicked Ben’s ass in the state mathematics competitions in high school.  Ben couldn’t progress until the year after this guy graduated (he was a year ahead of my brother).

As people who move away from small towns will do, I pretty much lost touch with everyone from my high school.  My friends, the people in my band, old girlfriends, people I liked, people I didn’t like, people who called me friend, people who called me wussy groovin fag (about the worst insult back in my high school days), people I knew well, people I didn’t know, the little math geek who kicked my brother’s ass in competition…

Thanks to Facebook, I have sort-of reconnected with many people from high school, including this guy.  He’d since apparently grown a flowing mane of brown hair, he’d kept his fitness into his 40s, and he’d learned to produce some amazing photography.  Just the other day, as I was saying, I was flipping through the pictures on his profile page, admiring his many shots of wildlife, his snapshots of friends, photos of himself.  He looked, by all appearances on Facebook, to be really enjoying life.

I thought about sending a note about the photos.  I didn’t.  There have been several times I’ve thought about getting in touch with various people via Facebook.  I haven’t.  I’ve been busy.  Sound familiar?

Tonight I got a message that this kid had taken his life.  I don’t know why.  I don’t know how.  I don’t know exactly when (sometime this month).  It floored me.  This guy I hadn’t seen or spoken to in over two decades is dead.  Dead of his own doing.  Holy. Fucking. Shit.

I don’t really know how to put it in words regarding whatever his situation would have been other to say “I didn’t have any horses in that race.”  I know, it doesn’t really fit… but what I mean is that if it weren’t for Facebook, I probably would never have even known he was gone.  Knowing just… well…  wow.

To him I would now say, “I wish you hadn’t done that, but thanks for waking me up a bit.”

Time to say “hi” to a few people on Facebook.

So this week’s hot “oh how sad” news story is Tyler Clementi’s suicide.  What?  That sounded callous?  Well, I suppose it did.  Not that I’m callous about the suicide, I think it really sucks that this kid felt so badly that, when his asshole roommate gave him the final emotional push, he felt the need to end his life.  I’m callous about the media’s coverage of the situation.  You see, the major media companies don’t give a shit about this kid or his family… they don’t give a shit about gay rights… they don’t really give a shit about “cyber-bullying laws”… they give a shit about what makes a good news story.  This week it’s Tyler.

In all the frenzy, I’ve heard a few statements repeated that are bugging me, and in the fashion of my recently-accepted curmudgeonliness, I’m going to comment on them… so here goes…

• On the statement by defense the “it’s not a homophobic hate crime, both Dhraun Ravi and Molly Wei have gay friends”: Having “gay friends” does not dispense one from being considered homophobic, especially when they’re responsible for homophobic acts.  It’s the same as the old “I’m not racist, some of my friends are black” excuse told by the same kinds of people to tell “nigger jokes.”  It doesn’t fly.
• On the news that Tyler Clementi had posted on the internet that he knew his roommate had been spying and had “instantly noticed he had turned the webcam toward [his] bed.”: Time to find another place to have sex.  Apparently, Tyler made efforts at that instance to stop the webcam transmissions and proceeded to have intimate relations there anyway (see the link).  Yes, Dhraun was apparently being an asshole… time to cut him off.  No “asking for the room,” no more conversations with him, period.  Yes, I realize I don’t know the “whole situation,” and neither do you, reader… yes, he may have felt like there was nothing he could do, etc… but we all have to take some personal responsibility for our lives.
• On the statements in the media that there need to be more laws regarding “cyber-bullying,” more regulation on what can or can’t be posted to the internet, etc.: Bullshit!  The laws that already exist are sufficient, they just need to be enforced. The method of bullying, whether it be face-to-face, written text, or internet, should not matter.  Those who have an interest in controlling or censoring the internet are loving this example.  The best way to get people to sign up for decreasing their own personal freedoms is to scare or shock them.  What’s more shocking than death?  “The internet killed Tyler.”
• On the statements that Dhraun Ravi and Molly Wei should be prosecuted for murder: Once again, bullshit.  Yes, they did something really shitty.  Yes, they deserve to be publicly scorned for their shitty behavior.  Yes, they deserve to be prosecuted for bullying, invasion of privacy, libel, and defamation.  Yes, they should lose a shitload of money from their future earnings in a civil suit, which should be then designated to some LGBT acceptance organization.  Murder?  No.  Remember, Tyler Clementi committed suicide, and, regardless of public opinion and media spin, it might or might not, have had everything to do with this incident.  I’m going to place my money on the idea that he had other troubling things going on as well.  I’m betting this was “the straw that broke the camel’s back.”

I feel bad for this kid’s family.  I feel bad that he felt so beyond hope that he took his own life.  It sucks.  Hopefully this will bring more attention to the cause of every kid going through shit like this and maybe lead to some kind of social change, although I’m not 100% betting on it because the public is likely to have forgotten all this in a week or two.