While getting my lunch today, I noticed at the “impulse buy” section of the deli, there were packages of sunflower seeds with the words “all natural” on the labeling.  Now, these were unusual to me in that they were “barbeque flavored” sunflower seeds.  I had to wonder where barbeque flavor sunflower seeds occur in nature.  Ingredients?  Sunflower seeds, salt, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, dextrose, spices, tomato powder, hydrolized soy protein, yeast, onion powder, garlic powder, sugar, citric acid, natural hickory smoke flavor, extractives of paprika and spice.  Hell, the ingredients don’t even occur in nature!

I’ve also wondered that about the new snack “Pop Chips,” which also sport the label “all natural” (natural potato ingredients, safflower oil, sunflower oil, rice flour, and sea salt). The “all natural” claim has been made by the likes of Tostitos, Pepsi, Oberto Beef Jerky, Stauffer’s Animal Crackers, and many other processed foods.  Right now I’m picturing all the “natural” animal crackers romping around in their natural habitat, which I imagine is made of animal cracker dough.  Ben and Jerry’s ice cream used to sport the “all natural” designation on their labels, but that’s recently changed.

But if their claims were too unrealistic, the government would make them change the label, right? Nope.  The FDA has no definition of the word “natural” except in the ingredient list.  On the front of the package, it’s totally fair game.  A good rule of thumb is that if a label claims something is “all natural,” but the item looks nothing like anything you’ve seen in nature, someone’s full of crap.

So many times I’ve heard the same line: “Do you wanna go to ________?  I’ve got a Groupon that expires this week.” My fiance… Friends… Friends of my fiancee… they’re all drawn to this online impulse purchase. It’s like the email version of candy at the check stand, attractive and easy to buy.

I couldn’t even tell you how many Groupons we’re sitting on, as Carolina minds the account, but I’d bet there are a good four or five. Sometime soon we’ve got to hit Wellington’s Wine Bar, because we bought into a deal there. I still have ten salsa lessons to take before May. I’m sure there’s more.

Every day these things hit our email. Every couple of days Carolina forwards me something that’s caught her eye, hinting that she wants to buy in. Now with competitors jumping in like TownHog and LivingSocial, we’re “saving money” all over the place.

I need an idea like this.

I come from a small town; one that’s dying. Once the home of a thriving appliance factory and the proud location of a huge railroad switch yard that employed hundreds, it’s now searching for a way to regain it’s former glory. The railroad is still there, but it employs far fewer people than it did in the past due to technology. Meanwhile, many people of the town, with the intent of drawing tourism, focus on the town’s “strengths” such as its having been the site of a Lincoln/Douglas debate (you do know who Douglas was, yes?) and its being the birthplace of Carl Sandburg (I’m not going to quiz you about him ’cause if you’re not from Galesburg, you likely don’t know, or much less care, who he is).

Enter Winslow, Arizona. Their claim to fame? Having been mentioned in a mediocre Eagles song from the 1970s. One line in a five chord pop song is their basis for tourism. You too can “stand on a corner in Winslow, Arizona” just like Glenn Frey apparently did (you do know who Glenn Frey is, yes?). The funny thing is, it’s not even Winslow that makes the song, it’s just a town name that fits the rhyme and vibe of the tune. It’s the girl, my Lord, in the flatbed Ford that really draws one into the lyric. But alas, as you cross the country on “Route 66″ (Interstate 40), you can stop over between the Petrified Forest and the Meteor Crater to stand on the corner in “Stand on the Corner Park” in Winslow. After you’ve taken your ultra-memorable photo, stop by Sonic for a burger to make the Winslow stop worthwhile.

What kind of party requires a $500 printing budget to invite people to come?

If you said “a wedding,” go get yourself a cookie!

I’m already familiar with pricing meeting the market. I know that historically women have paid more for the same types of clothing than me (jeans, for example). I know some women will spend hundreds of dollars on a handbag, one that hundreds of other women have. Men have their examples, too…

During the planning stages for my upcoming nuptials, I’ve heard some crazy price quotes. The invitations being one of the less outlandish things. Many wedding planners charge as much to rent place settings and other dishes as one might be expected to pay purchasing them. This is also true for tables, chairs, etc. But then, what are we going to do with 150 chairs? One lady wanted to charge us $600 to put flowers in the bathrooms! The one response I hear repeated by many as I voice my gripes: “Actually that’s a pretty good price for a wedding.”

I don’t want to come across as a matrimonial grinch, but really people?

Things for which I can understand and mentally justify “wedding” prices: Photography. Musicians. Wedding dresses (within reason, if you spend five figures for a dress you wear one day you’re a fool… I don’t care if you’re marrying a Trump). The rings.

Photographers for an event like this have to schlep their gear to the site, work for several hours, and then schlep all their stuff home where they sort through the shots for the best options, which they then diligently Photoshop for hours on end before sending the finished pictures to the family. Factor in tolerating the quirks and “special requests” of the bride, groom, and their families and wedding photography can seem like quite a thankless job. I know photographers who will absolutely not work weddings. One has even told me she’d rather work at Starbucks.

Musicians? See the above paragraph regarding the schlepping, quirks, and special requests. To that we can add all the practicing and making sure the band is good enough to pull off a several-hours-long gig playing cover songs they probably all hate. Wedding musicians are definitely a special breed.

Wedding dresses are quite the job. Not only does the thing have to fit the bride’s body (my fiancee is 5’2″… lots of cutting and reshaping), but it has to fit the bride’s personality as well. I’ve seen the television shows… let’s just say I’m glad the groom is to have no involvement in the dress shopping.

There’s nothing wrong with cheap rings. There’s nothing wrong with plain bands. My preference was to buy a really nice diamond and let my fiancee pick the settings. Spend the money or not, but I justify it as an heirloom. If you’re picking an heirloom, make it a nice one.

As for the rest of the stuff, it’s all made me consider starting my own service called “Reality Wedding Planning,” where I refuse to contract out to florists who charge $600 for toilet bouquets or caterers who charge five-star restaurant prices per plate for prime rib that was cooked the day before.

(image credit: freeimages.co.uk)

Half golden retriever, half black lab, all puppy. I’ve been told several times “she’ll calm down when she gets older.” I just don’t think that’s going to happen. Other than when we’re home alone and she’s completely bored, she’s anything but calm.

People assume she’s a puppy all the time. I guess they’re not paying attention to the grey whiskers. Every time she meets someone new, she bounds around enthusiastically. Every time she gets in the car, she thinks it’s an adventure, whether we’re going to a park, going for groceries, or going to the vet. Oh, and she loves the vet, by the way!

She sheds, she licks the floor, she requires weekly baths with expensive shampoo due to a skin condition. She’s likely to blow the life expectancy of a retriever out of the water. She hates the ocean, but loves to jump into puddles, pools, and lakes. Two cups of food and a bit of water every day. Two or more trips outside for walking and peeing and pooping every day. Simply part of everyday life. I wouldn’t change it.

The Cars were one of my favorite bands when I was young. I was twelve years old when Candy-O was released, and my dad bought it for one of his friends. The first song I ever heard by the band was “Let’s Go.” It was sonic perfection. I knew nothing of sound engineering when I was a kid, but I could tell it was a really well-put-together piece of music. It didn’t hurt that my dad’s friend’s stereo was really high-end.

I later acquired the “Candy-O” album for myself, feeling strange about the purchase as I was just barely into puberty and the cover featured an Alberto Vargas painting of a hot chick in a body suit, sporting a prominent “camel toe.” I really did buy the album because of the music, but was concerned about my parents thinking I’d bought it for the album cover.

I loved that album. I’d almost worn out my first copy when my dad turned me on to the first album by The Cars, which he’d stated was a better record. I didn’t agree with him, but I still thought the first album was really good.

To me, The Cars have always been a band with two lead singers. Even through their MTV heyday when Ric Ocasek dominated the screen, I considered him part of an important two-man front. Benjamin Orr didn’t get much attention on MTV, apart from “Drive” and his solo efforts, but on my stereo, he was well represented. “Moving in Stereo” and “Just What I Needed” and “It’s All I Can Do” and “This Could Be Love” counted among my favorite, and most played, songs by The Cars. It’s not that I didn’t like the Ric Ocasek songs, but ol’ “Benny Eleven Letters” was a necessary compliment to make the recipe for a Cars album complete.

I’ve heard “Sad Song” many times now. I like it. I like it a lot. From the opening guitar, the hand claps, and the classic yet modern mix, it’s right on par with the classics from the first three albums. I do wish there were more keyboards in the mix, but other than that, there’s absolutely nothing missing from it as far as it being a really solid Cars song. I’m afraid to listen to the whole album, however.

I’m afraid it’s going to sound like a Ric Ocasek solo album. Maybe the feeling comes from the recent 20% decrease in membership of The Barenaked Ladies. Of course, in that band’s case, it was a decision (one I think they should reconsider) rather than a matter of no choice. Since pancreatic cancer took Benjamin Orr’s chances of reuniting with his band, the others have two choices; reunite as a four-piece or don’t reunite. Yes, they could try replacing Orr with a new bassist (and I’m sure there will be a touring bassist), but that wouldn’t be the same.

I’ll definitely buy the album. I’ll only know then whether I feel it’s a complete effort or an empty one, missing a voice. We shall see.

What Galesburg, Illinois really needs is a few people with a couple of good “out of the box” ideas to put their thoughts to action. Lamenting about Maytag isn’t going to help or change anything. Going back to the old standby favorites of the Lincoln-Douglas Debates and Carl Sandburg isn’t really that helpful either. No-one outside of the odd history buff is going to make the trip to see Old Main (Lincoln lost that election, by the way). Practically no-one outside of Galesburg who isn’t a literary scholar has either heard of or cares about Carl Sandburg.

It’s POSSIBLE something could be done around the railroad history, but it would have to be the likes of a REAL attraction, not a pre-fab building next to the same steam engine that’s been there since 1960. You know, the one that’s behind all that fencing so you can’t even take a decent picture of it? Speaking as a nerdy train buff, If you want anyone outside the odd nerdy train buff to care about your railroad history, it’s gotta displayed in a way that doesn’t make the average person say “what next?” five minutes after seeing it. You know, a REAL museum, like the one in Sacramento.

Outside of that, possibly something in the lines of preserving the history of the town and opening shops people want to visit vs. tearing down historic buildings in favor new ones with corrugated aluminum or cheap brick fascia and filling the older buildings with junk shops and seedy bars. Look to nearby Galena for ideas.