Sometimes when I delay taking a whiz for too and long my bladder literally fills to capacity, I’m sure my ureters stop pushing new product ’cause they’re backed up… then everything gets all nonproductive in the kidneys. Then when I finally do get to the bathroom, as my bladder dumps out, the kidneys realize that their work can again resume and they kick into overdrive. As I pee, I totally feel my blood pressure drop. Yeah. Totally.

So I’ve embarked on yet another middle-aged weight loss journey.  It seems to be the soundtrack of my adult life, really, the songs of fitness; “Gotta Lose the Gut” and “My Blood Pressure is Too High” and “I Feel Tired.”  I keep singing them over and over.

What always goes hand in hand with a fitness quest is the ubiquitous reading.  Here’s what I learned (or sorta re-learned more like):

Regarding carbohydrates: When you eat carbohydrates (sugar, high fructose corn syrup, potatoes, organic sprouted grain wheat bread, whatever), after your digestive system breaks everything down to simple sugars which are absorbed by your bloodstream, your body converts it to glucose with the help of insulin.  Glucose is the sugar that your body’s cells like to use for energy.  The more sugar enters the bloodstream, the more the pancreas churns out insulin to metabolize it and the excess glucose is stored as fat with the help of the liver.

If you consume too much carbohydrate-based food on a regular basis, your pancreas learns to overproduce insulin in anticipation, which leads to low blood sugar between meals because of the extra insulin.  That’s when we get tired, pissed off, and hungry (cue the afternoon snack).  That pick-me-up treat we may end up eating takes us up the hill again as the body experiences more sugar and the pancreas produces more insulin.  As long as the cycle repeats and eating habits continue, eventually the overworked pancreas slows or stops insulin production (diabetes).

Regarding artificial sweeteners: Something called a “cephalic phase response” makes your brain go crazy when you eat something sweet.  When something sweet hits the tongue (caloric or not), the message is sent to the brain which programs your liver and pancreas to prepare for incoming carbohydrates.  The pancreas releases insulin and the liver starts storing glucose from the blood stream.  The resulting low blood sugar triggers a desire to eat more.  This is why weight loss programs such as Weight Watchers tell you not to consume diet sodas, because the artificial sweetness tricks your body into storing glucose instead of burning it, causing low blood sugar and increased appetite.

Regarding caffeine: Caffeine stimulates the adrenal glands to produce adrenaline, which causes that “more alert” feeling we all look for via the “fight or flight” response of our sympathetic nervous system.  Unfortunately, adrenaline also stimulates the pancreas to secrete insulin, leading to lower blood sugar as discussed above. Yet another reason weight loss agencies hate diet soda.

Oh yeah, in all three examples I forgot to mention that, along with helping the liver store glucose as fat, insulin inhibits the release and stored fat, so instead of being used as energy, it stays stored as fat.  So when you have one of those fancy, sugary coffee drinks… say, oh, like one of my favorites; a small triple-shot mocha… about 175 calories of simple sugars are sacked away almost immediately as 270 grams of caffeine courses through the circulatory system, triggering all kinds of endocrine system chaos which leads to low blood sugar and the craving for something more to eat.  Here we go loop-de-loop!

So, in thinking about all this, I’m strongly considering the idea of giving up caffeine, right after this next Sugar Free Red Bull.
 

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Pancreas diagram public domain in the United States because it is a work of the United States Federal Government under the terms of Title 17, Chapter 1, Section 105 of the US Code.

All my blogs have suffered in the past month.  Yep.  Focus issues.  I do have other stuff going on… you know, in the real world or whatever, but it’s mostly my own damned fault.  Well, in as much as it’s my fault I can’t focus on this stuff.  Call it a lack of inspiration, call it writer’s block, call it some sort of processing problem or attention disorder, whatever.  Anyway, I’m back… and hens fourth… four hens brook hens fourth (NO!)… henceforth (told you I had trouble focusing) I will be putting my blatherings, political opinions, and what-nots here and then linking to Facebook instead of just putting the stuff there where my limited audience ends up just hitting “hide all by Christopher.”  That way those of you who happen to be part of my even more limited audience of people who read my blog but don’t know me on Facebook can read too!  (Hi there, Mr. Internet AdBot!)